IDENTITY CRISIS

Its approximately three weeks for me to begin my internship as my first posting as a medical officer. I am reeling at this once in a lifetime opportunity and at times stay up the night thinking about it. My thoughts meander into the beauty of practice and the smile of a hopeless patient who then notices he/she still has another shot at life. I guess that is what it would mean to make lives better literally. When dawn reigns after dusk, I struggle to get out of my bed, I then remind myself that it is about time.

With that in mind, I can’t then fathom why my mind conjures at times to cause this restlessness especially during this period. I have had encounters where I need to introduce myself and am just mute for that period as the other person looks at me questioningly. The results have been out for almost two months now for almost everybody is aware that I am a doctor but why then do I stutter.

I have at times been called a medical student which is what I was and at such times my body has been shuddered into overriding cautiousness. Then the times I am referred to as “Doctor Ismael” and it seems more surreal than I have ever imagined or gloated. You could be wondering what then do I need if am not comfortable in my coatings that I have sown myself.

I like to think that I am just confused and as such this shall cease when internship start, a time I will have a different identification to the one I used to put on while at school.

Becoming a doctor is one scenario but to have everyone calling you doctor so and so is yet another case. One becomes a doctor after completing a medical, veterinary degree or a PhD in any of the other courses. Which makes it purely academic in all regards. So becoming a doctor is a recognition of an accomplishment of an academic feat that one should bask in its glory. However to be called a doctor, shows not just a personal recognition but a community recognition of your importance, stature and almost near “immortality”.

With this in mind, I still can’t get myself to getting comfortable yet. This transition period has been most trying in identity crisis. More like when a teenager is confused about being suddenly recognized as an adult. I guess we all (may be the majority) do have a time when identity crisis sets in, I just didn’t expect mine to be this one!